It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

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Do you ever just feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Like every problem and issue consumes you and you have no control?  Guess what warriors-you are not the only one. Sometimes it feels as though society is telling you that showing how you are feeling is a sign of weakness. Well let me tell you something, screw society! If you sat in your anxiety or your depression without releasing any of your feelings, you would explode.We all have days where we feel unstoppable and then there’s days that you just feel defeated. It is a part of life and although it’s hard to accept sometimes, it’s just something that we all have to go through. 

You can’t hold it together all the time especially when things aren’t going your way. You feel as though the universe is against you in every aspect not just one. The bad day turns into a bad week and the bad week turns into a bad month. Something at work goes wrong, you get a flat tire, or an unexpected bill comes up. The list goes on and you almost feel like it won’t stop. You’re allowed to give yourself time to process. You’re even allowed to sit in your feelings for a bit. But what I don’t want you to do is dwell on it for too long because the more you do, the more negativity will pour into you. 

The more we talk about these hidden emotions, the more help we can get to manage them. Whether that is speaking to someone about how you are feeling or even using a coping mechanism you’ve learned over time. There are so many resources that we fail to use while down because we just don’t have the energy at the time. But there is a way out from these bad days. Reminder: It’s okay to feel down.

Here are some tips for those days you’re not okay:

  • Try to be social- As hard as this can be especially when you don’t want to   openly speak on what’s bothering you it can help. Just striking up a simple conversation with a co-worker can release the tension built up.
  • Use healthy outlets– This can mean a number of things and can be specific for each one of you. Some healthy outlets can be writing in your journal, working out, yoga, meditation, etc. Find what works for you and try to use it daily. It will help in the long run.
  • Let yourself feel– Recognizing your feelings and allowing yourself to process can make all the difference in the world. It might be uncomfortable but it will help to work through them.

I’m here to remind you are not alone because there is always someone else out there feeling it too. You may be afraid to open up to others especially if they are going through something also. I found that sharing your emotions and thoughts can help lift some of that weight off your shoulders. Every day life is filled with ups and downs but that’s what forms us into the people we become on the journey. So when you’re having one of those down days, remember you have people around you that care for you, you matter and you were put onto this earth for a reason. You just have to search for it.

Rise Up!

-N

Kick The Negative OUT

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Negative emotions are probably the biggest enemy any of us have. It’s hard to determine where the thoughts and emotions come from but it all comes down to one thing. YOU. You are in control of how you see things. YOU can change your perspective. If you focus on the past and how things were seen back then, your visions now won’t change and will remain in that headspace. There is so much negativity in our daily lives that we don’t even realize. I have come to find that when I am around negative people or situations, I take on that energy. If you follow people who are constantly down on social media, unfollow them. If you surround yourself around those who bring you down, back away. This is extremely unhealthy and I have worked very hard to manage and protect my energy. Everyday, I am learning different things about myself but have found for every negative aspect in life. there is ALWAYS a positive that comes to light.

I used to get so hurt every time I met a new person and then a few short months later, they would be out of my life. It took me a long time to realize that everything happens for a reason. Every person, situation and negative thing that has happened in life whether I like it or not has some lesson attached to it. These people were brought into my life to show me something else about myself. Self-reflection has probably been one of my favorite things during this process. It allows you to really look at how your actions are affecting your life. What can I do to change this situation? When you’re in that down place, you won’t allow yourself to think of these things. It won’t happen overnight, it is a constant work in progress. But once you get to a place where you can reevaluate..DAMN does it feel good.

Let me paint you a picture of something negative that happened in my life but found the positive in it. I had a good friend who I was extremely close to, we did everything together. Every weekend for years, we would take turns spending time at each other’s houses. We shared our deepest secrets and had the best times together. This friendship will always hold a special place in my heart but we are no longer friends. Why you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA. I had always been such a good friend to her and couldn’t wrap my head around how we could just stop being friends. Literally nothing happened, the friendship just ended. I was in her wedding and helped her with so many things leading up to it. This was where everything changed. After she got married, it was like I didn’t exist. I have so many friends who have gotten married and created their own families but one thing never changed; we are still best friends. With this situation though, I am not sure what happened and I never will. For a long time I let it affect me so much but now i can look back and realize it happened for a reason. She was put into my life to teach me that as we get older, people change.

Sometime friends come and go, that’s OKAY. I am 28 years old and can proudly say I have my people for life. Each of these women have been put into my life for a reason. They each bring something POSITIVE to me and remind me everyday how grateful I am. Grateful for their trust, their confidence, and mostly their positive influence they’ve each had in my life. Every so often, we get stuck on the negative emotions that some issues bring to us that we forget to look towards the positive. At the end of the day, there is always a way out from that hole. Never forget how much value you can bring into a situation. YOU are in control of your life and only YOU can change that. It starts with YOU.

Push through the negative warriors, you got this!💜

-N

It’s Not a Race! 

Personally, I’ve tried (and sometimes struggle) to not let where everyone else is in life affect my mindset. I always try and remain supportive of my friends, because I want them happy no matter what. However, what I didn’t realize is how I was actually letting the comparison affect me. In therapy recently we tackled this topic, and it has allowed me to bring those feelings to surface the last few months.

One of the first topics we spoke about was relationships; past, present, and future. Every time something went wrong with one relationship, I would always blame it on the other person and not even look at myself in the picture at all. I am no way a self absorbed person, but I always thought of myself as someone with a good heart. I’ve learned how to take another look at the situations, and view it as  “What is the energy I am putting out?” or “Is it positive or negative?” The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I was putting out negative energy so in return, I was attracting the not so nice guys.

With that said, I decided to take a break from the dating world and start focusing on myself. I started seeing a therapist once a week and began practicing the tools given to me during our sessions.  At first, it was tough and I felt like I wasn’t making any progress. I started feeling even more negative at times, but then I was made aware that this was the first time in YEARS I had been given the opportunity to release my feelings on everything. I was finally processing the years of heartbreak and disappointment. Once I got my feelings under control, I became more self aware. This was not an easy thing to pick apart myself because I have been so used to helping others and not taking initiative with myself. Self love is so important, and that is what I was starting to do. I have since started a yoga class, love listening to self help podcasts, and put post-its of positive affirmations around my room to remind myself everyday that I AM ENOUGH.

The next thing I realized through all of this was, when I first had thoughts about the stages of life my friends and loved ones were in its not that I wasn’t happy for them, but I was also feeling jealous. Jealous that they got their happy ending and I was still sitting over here fighting to find mine. I became obsessed with the idea of finding “The One.” Talking to people that I didn’t even really have feelings for. Going out with guys that I wasn’t even sure I liked. THIS. This was the problem. I spent so much time worrying and being anxious about how these people felt about me that I didn’t even take a second to think about how they made me feel. It was so unhealthy and I wouldn’t have figured this out if I didn’t start seeking help from an outside perspective or talking to someone about my experiences.

I was putting too much pressure on myself and not figuring out exactly what I wanted. I have learned how to break that down in a healthy way so I don’t overwhelm myself. I was given homework weekly to try and work on a list of my own goals and what I would like in someone I wanted to date. Talk about tough! Allowing myself to open up and actually putting real thought what I was looking for in this person. We figured out (with weeks of pulling teeth) that I wasn’t sure of what I wanted because I thought I didn’t deserve the good things. My past relationships (romantic and not) had made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I had been torn apart by so many people that I never felt like I was worthy of that kind of treatment. Once those feelings were put out into the world, I was finally able to figure out what I wanted. I came up with a list and I keep it with me all the time. It may sound silly, but for me seeing it visually has made a difference. I look back on it and remind myself that I deserve this and to be treated well.

When you are feeling like you should be in a different place in your life, look at the big picture. Look at how far you’ve come, instead of where you want to be! It isn’t a race and we all have different paths to go on. Think about all you’ve accomplished and the things to be grateful for. So, buckle up and enjoy the ride because in my eyes, the journey is the best part of it all.

Rise Up!

~N

Living with Anxiety

Some days it can start with just the blink of an eye or others can be triggered with something as little as my outfit or traffic. With therapy and self awareness, I have learned what my triggers are and what to stay away from..for the most part. It’s difficult to manage when things come up that you don’t expect. Like all of you, I have some good days and some bad days but I try to have a positive aspect on life. I have used yoga/meditation, positive affirmations and self help books to guide me. Most days I am able to pull myself from the panic and darkness but some are just more difficult than others.

Recently, I’ve had more difficult days where the anxiety takes over and I wake up worrying about so many things. The feeling becomes so overwhelming that I feel like my head will explode. I worry about money, my job, my health, my family and friends. And most days, my anxiety compromises those things. I have trouble focusing at my job which disrupts my performance. I don’t take care of myself like I should because other things seem important at the time. I become a hermit and disconnect from the people that are closest to me. In the end, all of these things end up hurting me. So then I try to pick up the pieces, get in a more positive mindset and then I’m back on track. One small thing can trigger this negative path and it is a true struggle. See the cycle? My therapist always tells me that things wont change overnight and that it’s a daily work in progress. Some days it feels like the weight is lifting off my shoulders. And others feel like I am taking 10 step backwards.

What helps me:

1) Writing down my feelings (which I am doing right now lol)

2) Listening to a podcast or audiobook (always gets me back in a positive mindset)

3) Practicing Yoga or exercise (frees my mind and lets go of the negativity)

4) Jamming out to my favorite songs (singing at the top of my lungs is an amazing outlet

5) Talking with friends who build me up (keeping good company around you is always important)

These are just a few of the tools I use when I need to get out of my head. I am not saying that these things will magically make you feel better but, it helps to relieve some of the pressure on yourself. Some days I need all of these tools and others just a few. I try to start my days off with at least one thing so that I can prevent myself from going into my down place. It has not been easy realizing some of these things about myself but I can honestly say it has been an amazing journey that has helped so much.

Whenever you are having one of your down days, I want you to remember these things:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE STRONG

YOU ARE LOVED

YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

YOU ARE ENOUGH

YOU MATTER

Repeat these things to yourself until you believe them.

You’ve got this Warriors- Keep on fighting- RISE UP!!!!

-N